Start with Om

With spring in the air, I wanted a yoga intensive and saw a five day program from Bellur with Sri Preshant Iyengar. A couple of hours each morning. It had been six years since my last mindbending session with him, so I was familiar with his teaching style.

Before the session, he solicited questions from students to help shape event. Mine had to do with mainly with asana, and how to better understand how much to 'push' an aging body. I wondered if Preshant had any advice. I also wanted more insight into bhramari breathing, Maha Mudra and the Great Seal.

Well, the first morning he explained he would NOT be addressing anything specific to physical conditions or concerns as they could be taken up with teachers. There were about a hundred or so students, and several of us had asked that aging question. He said as we age, we may no longer be able to 'do' certain poses but that does not mean we cannot practice yoga. The reality is some asana will be lost, as even B.K.S. experienced this reality when he continued to do asana into his nineties. There is the physical element, but it is also mind and breath.

We were to explore Body / Mind / Breath over the next five days. Classes were two hours long, and we would sit or lie in asana while listening to Prashant lecture, changing positions whenever we felt stiff or tired.

I showed up each day, but I really did struggle as Preshant can be so esoteric and hard (for me) to follow. He referenced a lot of his previous books, so perhaps others were more familiar with the concepts. Some of his lectures are available on his You Tube channel.

Biggest take-aways for me were experiencing sound as an element of mind/breath/body. Embodiment of sound, effects and affects of sound. Start with om.

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I made notes at the end of classes (see below).

Day One: First class began with an explanation of which questions would not be addressed: mainly, anything specific to physical conditions or concerns could be taken up with teachers. Instead touched on the difference between physical and cultural aspects of yoga, the levels of 'doing' yoga. As we age we may no longer bPosturee able to 'do' certain poses but that does not mean we cannot practice yoga. The reality is some asana will be lost, as even B.K.S. experienced as he continued into his nineties. Prashant invited us to take different asana as he talked, but did not guide the postures in any detail, rather spoke about Posture-gesture, Mind- gesture and Breath-gesture.

Day Two: Requested that we listen to the invocation to the Sage Patanjali rather than chant it, since so many mangle the pronounciation. Also cautioned us not to rush through the 'om' sound, which is meant to be reverberated and resonate. The class explored Speech-gesture, or how mind and breath create union. Explored how even silent speech gestures, or whispered gestures, affect the body in restorative and supine postures. "Vowel sounds, namas of gods and postures, all can have a profound effect.``

Day 3:  MInd-gate, breath-gate, physical gate.... observing one or all three. try using TANPURA app with pranayama. Play with singing the scale against the tone. Length, emphasis, stress, tempo of chosen mantras powerful tools. Usually slower pranayama taught but faster pranayama also.

Day 4:  Opening sutra prologue to bring awareness to how the words and sound are affecting mind and body. Admonishing people to procure his books and go to the You Tube channel. Pranayama exercises (vi-kuri? agripar? kapal-mati) kriyas and many terms I did not understand. But what I was able to experience: tightening abdomen along with pausing the the exhalation, and using vowel sounds on exhalation. Descriptions on how combining pace, sounds, styles for different combinations. Advice to start in supine positions to learn rather than in sitting. You can't 'do' yoga, yoga happens. 

Also said meditation is a brain function so there is no meditation in yoga... this quite surprised me. Banish the term meditation because it is actually anti-yoga. Meditation is higher functioning of the brain/mind, whereas, absorption happens in the heart. 

Leave identity behind as it is limiting - labels like old, youg, woman, man, titles.... those zones are blocks to core consciousness. Objectify the mind. Yoga is technology. 

This worked: om silently said on the exhale and blooming on inhale. Awareness of the heart. There is no 'i' to say i mediatated.

DAY 5 - I-wear must be left behind in yoga.

Meditation has become relaxation, a temporary solution. Meditation has nothing to do with yoga. Pranayma on the other hand transforms to becoming.

Then an odd rant about shoes being the reason for cardiac problems... wearing for so many hours a day.

Change poses held for a long time for body, not for mind

Play with the breath. Oscillation with musical rhythm.

Scribbling with the breath, drawing playfully with it on different parts of the body

And oh the little things, the smallest things

The movie, The Man in the Hat totally resonated with me for its depiction of quirky characters, gorgeous scenery, beautiful music and quiet moments. IMDb calls this a "musically rooted comedy" but that doesn't entirely do it justice. The man in the hat is being pursued and pursuing, driving in his small Fiat through French seaside towns and picturesque countryside. Lots of wonderful scenes, including star gazing, stopping for a picnic, and savouring a traffic jam.

What a fantastic soundtrack! Turns out the director of the film is Stephen Warbeck, the Oscar-winning composer of Shakespeare In Love. 

I loved the movie's music so much I marked it as a Spotify favourite. Memory (The Little Things) by Mathilde, was on the soundtrack but without the lyrics. I tracked it down on You Tube, "The Little Things." 

The song was never officially released, but comments on You Tube prove others were as equally charmed. 

Memory (The Little Things)

Long ago I found my way on the shoreline of the sea
I lost my breath to the birds and the breeze

On the shoreline of the sea

And oh the little things, the smallest things

The little things, remind me of you

And oh the little things, the smallest things

The little things, remind me of you

Long ago I found my way on the shoreline of the sea

The sun was low but my spirits high

The waves wave goodbye to me

What caught my eye was the bird in the sea

Floating honestly away from me

And oh the little things, the smallest things

The little things, remind me of you

And oh the little things, the smallest things

The little things, remind me of you

And now your memory will live on

A little floating one

In the sea.

Savour - 2026

SAVOUR

I was inspired by something I heard in the barrage of New Year's Resolutions. That was, to forgo them and instead opt for a year guided by intention. Choose a word as a beacon for the year's intention, rather than a goal. 

At first I thought happiness would be my guide. Doing things that bring joy and mindfully opting out of screen time. Which led to the thought of enough; as in enough time for myself, recognizing when I've had enough.

After letting ideas percolate, I've decided to

SAVOUR 

Savour not only food and drink, but also the moments that bring me joy, the time with people I love. Intentionally carve out occasions and experiences to savour and the moments between to let it all deepen in appreciation. Savouring the bitter with the sweet.

Searching for illustrations yielded these graphics from an oline course about Savouring on Open.Edu

Marvelling, basking, giving thanks, luxuriating, being mindful. I think if I take this attitude cutting back on things that aren't so great for me will come naturally... so less screen time, eating better, being present will follow. Worth the experiment!

Collins / Definition of 'savour' Word forms: savours, savouring, savoured

noun
1.
the quality in a substance that is perceived by the sense of taste or smell
2
a specific taste or smell
the savour of lime
3.
a slight but distinctive quality or trace
4.
the power to excite interest
the savour of wit has been lost
5. archaic
reputation
verb
6. (intransitive; often foll by of)
to possess the taste or smell (of)
7. (intransitive; often foll by of)
to have a suggestion (of)
8. (transitive)
to give a taste to; season
9. (transitive)
to taste or smell, esp appreciatively
10. (transitive)
to relish or enjoy

Finding Balance

I can't believe the second year of my retirement is coming to an end. It's gone by so quickly and yet, it seems to have been at least three or four years since my last day of work. I think the Covid pandemic blurs the timeline quite a bit. 

While retirement planning I envisioned years of excellent health, but events this past year have warned me not to take it for granted.

My yoga practice was a bit of a struggle in 2024. After the car accident and pains in my neck and shoulder, I laid off headstand for awhile. Things didn't get better, in fact pain started in my hands, feet and forearms. So I have been wondering how much I should push. I've never subscribed to the 'No Pain No Gain' school but I also don't think it's good to back off entirely. I remember when medical advice was to cut out walking after a heart attack; now people are encouraged to resume physical activity. As part of my rehab I've been doing prescribed exercises (nerve flossing, sit-to-stand, lifting dumbbells, etc.). Acupuncture and massage also help.

I often think about what Rob's Dad said, that he was "rusting out" while his mom was "wearing out." I'll try to find a balance and learn to listen to what my body is telling me. 

In my work life I would start most days with yoga, and hit the studio several times a week. Covid interrupted the studio visits and introduced online classes. I still have a regular practice but I've added QiGong. My body loves it, and it's easier to incorporate when travelling or on the boat. Sometimes I do the routine in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon.  Although I find beginning my day with mindful movement brings a healthy momentum, some days I lounge in my pjs until well past noon. Delicious! Something in me rebels against a regular routine. As long as not frequently indulged because it turns into lack-a-wanna and slides into ennui.

My Bullet Journal has been an extremely useful tool, both pre- and post-retirement. I've created a Habit Tracker so I can keep a record of daily habits for a view of the month at a glance. It's a good reminder to make wellness activities a priority. Regular headings include yoga/ qi gong / meditation / sleep / exercise / alcohol intake. I also like drawing in little hearts next to diary entries that fill me with gratitude. Although sometimes it makes me feel a bit like a grade school girl, it is fun to open a page and see happy hearts floating across the page. A monthly To Do list for tasks, with space for a checkmark or arrow to Bring Forward. A hangover from workdays, but it works!

This past September I discovered drop-in fitness classes at Toronto Community Centres, and even better, 50% off discounts for people over 60! Checking out QiGong classes at Matty Eckler and Tai Chi at centres located in the Beaches, Fairmont, and Scarborough has introduced me to new neighbourhoods. 

I tried Tai Chi at four different centres with four different teachers. Each had a different approach and followed different styles. So far I haven't been able to commit a full Tai Chi sequence to memory as I have with Mawang Dui QiGong. Mirroring the actions of the teacher and the class is soothing but not the same as leading myself through  the steps. To fully learn Tai Chi I will have to choose one style and make the sequence a daily habit. In the meantime I am enjoying my QiGong practice(s).

In the Matty Eckler QiGong class the teacher demonstrated some Tiger moves and we got a taste of a more playful form. After learning movements for tiger - clawing, stretching, walking, and washing - we were then encouraged to put together our own sequences, growling and purring as we went. Who knows, I may 'play' some tiger QiGong with Nora when she gets a bit older.

I'm also working on Mindful Dragon QiGong with Mimi Kuo-Deemer online. It is The Year of the Dragon, after all. This sequence is so flowing and elegant, I'd love to be able to commit it to memory.

For the month of January I signed up for some additional Wall Pilates classes online. So I warm up of wall pilates, and then alternate days between Yoga and Qi Gong practice. It seems to be a good approach, but it takes a bit of time.

For much of December I meditated for 30 minutes before yoga or QiGong, and it did deepen the flavour of the mindful movement. Now I am trying to finish with meditation or pranayama, even if it just for 5 or 10 minutes.

 

Gratitude

On the way home from our Book Club AGM this year I was in a car accident.

Thankfully I walked away with just a couple of scratches! It was a very rainy night. I was sitting on the passenger seat & watched as the other car veered into our lane but there was nothing I could do to stop it. This was happening. I closed my eyes and took a big breath and tried to relax as much as possible. There was a very loud noise and we started to spin, right into the ditch. When I opened my eyes I could see red dots on the airbag in front of me, I thought for a second it was blood but it was just the stitching on the airbag. Wiggled my fingers. Wiggled my toes. Moved my arms, then my legs. My right knee was pretty banged up and had a bad cut and there was glass all over the interior.

I turned my head to look at the driver Nicolette and she said she was okay too. She pulled out her phone to call her husband, I called Rob, who could tell where I was because we share locations on our iPhones. (523 - 643 highway 48) Nicolette shared that address so CAA could send a driver. When she pulled the phone away from her ear I could see the mobile was smeared with blood. Surface wound. Around this time we both started to shake.

Meanwhile several cars were driving past. One stopped and people came over to the side of our car to check on us. They told us the fire and ambulance were coming and stayed by our side until the lights and sirens were approaching. Soon the fire trucks, ambulance, Durham police and OPP were on the scene.

It was pouring buckets of rain.

A first responder came to help me out of the Volkswagon. I was able to leave on the passenger side but Nicolette's door was completely smashed in so she had to slide over. The crew was checking her over thoroughly. I was standing in the rain hoping everything was okay and wondering why she hadn't yet stepped out of the car.

Both of us were put into neck braces, but they didn't fit very well. If we had neck injuries it probably would have made them worse! Thankfully someone took mine off. Soaking wet by this time, we went to sit in the ambulance where it was dry. I asked for a blanket and an icepack for my knee. Nicolette's left wrist was put into a splint. They asked if we wanted them to take us to the nearby hospital, we both declined. I just wanted to go home, Nicolette preferred a Toronto hospital rather than Uxbridge.

It took Nicolette's husband Desmond awhile to get there, so we waited in the tow truck to keep warm.

Nicolette went to Michael Garon hospital, it turns out she has a fracture and will have to wear a cast for a couple of months. Maybe I should have gone to get checked out, but all I wanted was to get safely home, so Desmond dropped me off at my front door.

These last couple of days I'm quite achy, a sore knee and shoulder, and my chest where the airbag made contact. Doing restorative yoga and qi gong to help speed the healing. Booked an appointment to get checked out, after the fact, but better late than never.

I am so thankful we were both able to walk away that night. 

Happy to be alive!!!

3 Ways to Transform Your Emotions

Words of Wisdom from Pema Chodrin's Book, How We Live is How We Die, and a link to more articles on Lion's Roar

Merry month of May

What an amazing month! I couldn't stop grinning. The longer days brightened my mood and it seemed every hour brought new delight.  I am basking in gratitude and almost overwhelmed by this truly remarkable and exceptional month. Joy.

A night of dinner and dancing at the Commodore's Ball, and our first shake-down sail. 

The trip to Chicago.

Hosting two book clubs (thankfully the same book, Run Toward the Danger).

The Toronto Public Library / Toronto Master Gardener demos that I coordinate were in full swing, and I helped demonstrate at three of them - finally feeling confident by the third.

Attending the theatre: True Crime and The Chinese Lady at the Crow's Nest.

Seeing the Ukulele Orchestra, which was booked pre-Covid and finally performed at Koerner after being rescheduled three times.

Alex treating me to breakfast on Mother's Day.

My niece Sarah and her beau treated Rob and I to the opera to see Macbeth at the Four Seasons.

Birding outdoors.

Meeting Nicola in person after playing Euchre together virtually through Covid - gardening and unwinding in the spa-pool.

Playing pickleball for the first time and then setting aside a regular date for Wednesday nights with Joyce, Cheryl and Tara.

The Epitourists & their spouses got together at Wolfe Island for a weekend get-away at Laura's to bake bagels and enjoy a feast prepared in her wood oven. I made s'mores at the campfire and napped in the glamping tent.

Uke Jam! 

Sunday Family Dinners!

Continuing making progress with BPYC By-laws and presenting as Vice Commodore at the Spring General Meeting.

.... and my May garden was full of spring blooms. We missed the peonies last year when we were away in Greece, so I enjoyed every petal this season, pulling up a lawn chair to gaze agog.

I love waking up in the morning to my practice of yoga and now Qigong. 

It would be fair to say I am thriving in retirement as I am spending time consciously and able to better design my days. 

Yoganusasanam 2022

Marlene and teachers from Yoga Centre Toronto used to make frequent pilgrimages to the Iyengar Institute in Pune to study with BKS, Gita or Preshant, and come back inspired by the teachings and "full of India," as Andy Orr liked to say. We all looked forward to their return to infuse our practices with revitalized insight.

This year RIMYI streamed Yoganusasanam 2022, making the teachings more accessible to those of us practising at home. Another example of how Covid and technology combined to create/accelerate opportunity. 

The in-person event took place over 6 days, with 3 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon. Abhijahta Iyengar led the session. My teacher Niron was among the international students in the crowded hall. 

I got to avoid the flight and rickshaw strike! Participating remotely from home wassn't the same experience - especially as I worked through the 30 hours of online sessions over 2 weeks, versus 6 days. Even so, I find myself cycling through the familiar emotions I would experience during the thirty day sadhanas here in Toronto... Eagerness! Resistance! Resentment! Determination! Openness! Curiousity! Insight! 

Verse 1 of the Patanjali yoga sutra is 'Atha Yoganusasanam' or 'now begins the study of yoga.'

Day 1 - practice to refresh after long journeys

Day 2 - arms and legs as organs of action in standing poses and pranayama

Day 3 - twists (make space in trunk!) 

Day 4 - backbends (keep tailbone in)

Day 5 - pranayama before asana inversions and twists

Day 6 - pranayama before an integrated practice 

Balance and equanimity.... Courage and caution must go together. Do not overdo, do not underdo.

Aging is a fact of life, but don't use it as an excuse. Keep practising. Although you might not physically 'do' as well as in your youth, maintain the sense of direction in the asana. (i.e. if abdomen does not touch the thighs in uttanasana physically, keep that intention in the movement).

Props can be used to make a pose more attainable, or more challenging, or be used to sensitize (is my back straight? buttocks in?)

Yoga is 90% emotion. Feel the effect on the body. The aura and expanse of the energy. 

The imprint of one pose in the next pose (i.e. moving from sirsana to ustrasana to dondasana). The horizontal block placed at the buttocks imprinted the feeling of buttocks going into the body that was echoed in headstand.

Don't forget revolved versions of poses! Not just triangle, but also janu sirsana, sirsana, ardha chandrasa.

Preshant taught a couple sessions emphasizing how breath, body and mind are intertwined. A 'simple' pose provides tremendous opportunity to explore breath and mind. Placing blankets under buttocks, then lumbar, then chest producing different effects. The subtleties and differences in thinking about 'taking' a breath or 'receiving' a breath. Perspective of doing/being done, object/subject.

For depression and anxiety, pranayama in supported asana can be helpful. Support the head to quieten the brain. Remove discomfort. The subconscious mind will come to the surface rather than retreat into dullness.

There may be initial resistance to daily practice, but commit to 15-20 minutes. Usually after 4 or 5 asana resistance is gone. Practice! Practice! Practice!

Pranayama can precede asana for practitioners. Pranayama before asana on Days 5 and 6 for 45-60 minutes, with a 10-15 minute pause before asana. In my morning practice, do I want to incorporate a few longer sessions into the week, or 5-10 minutes at the start each morning?

Mahamudra - don't be overly aggressive in the posture, if bent leg is popping up sit on a height. Keep the back concave; relax the throat and diaphram. Exhale and press down on thigh; inhale, sides of the trunk lift up and elongate; then tilt head down to bandha (but don't round back!); inhale; pause and engage abdominals to press back into to spine; exhale; release bandhas and breathe normally for a few cycles. Repeat.

"After pranayama, the breath wants to stay with you a little longer. I hope you are able to taste that." (Abhi)

For me, this is the magic of shapeshifting.

Settling in

Six months into my retirement!

Covid restricted the guest list of any intended parties as Toronto and Ontario entered lockdown again in January. Alex, Penny, Rob and I celebrated at home. Helium balloons and champagne!

Well, the helium balloons stayed in place, deflating gradually between Jan and mid-June, when I returned from Greece. Watching the hot air disappear was an apt metaphor for letting go. 

Our trip to Greece was just the kind of epic holiday I was envisioning to kick-off my retirement adventure. When I left, it was to travel, not to vacation. Although I did have to make a presentation at the BPYC AGM the day after I returned while extremely jet-lagged,  I didn't have a huge pile of work waiting on my desk for me to catch up. 

June was the month of my first pension check, and my last paycheck. The little bit of trepidation I feel as the markets fall and inflation rises is more than offset by the sense of relief of not needing to clock in every day. 

I have no shortage of interests. It is structure and routine I lack and rebel against. I figure that's just fine for this first year as I find my natural rhythms.

What else can I let go of that doesn't serve me anymore? What do I really want to keep in my life and nurture? How can I build a day that makes me truly happy? Good questions.

Focused attention

Some notes on wellness

Yoga with Uday Bhosale

Two classes with a new-to-me teacher this weekend really brought home that yoga doesn't need to be rigorous or focused on advanced poses to be effective.

Focused attention can be brought to the simplest of movements. Sitting in virasana in slight variations; observing the rotation in your ankles, feeling and shifting focus of where the weight is placed on the heel in tadasana.

 On Uday's site, a quote from B.K.S.

“Action is movement with intelligence. The world is filled with movement. What the world needs is more conscious movement, more action.”

Notes on pranayama

Continuing pranayama with Marlene through October and November.

One day, such a sense of sadness arising. I didn't stop my practise but said "hello", as in a 'Beautiful Monster' meditation. Not trying to dismiss, conquer or change the feeling; just accepting it. Acknowledging physical sensations of swelling in the chest, tightness in the throat, pain in the right shoulder. Just observing and not trying to fix anything, but also feeling it fade. Keeping eyes open but unfocused rather than keeping them shut.

Breath

Feelings of overwhelm and fatigue... keeping eyes open and focused about 3-4 feet ahead, focusing on the in-breath. Twenty breaths.

Upward Spiral

Everything is interconnected. Gratitude improves sleep. Sleep reduces pain. Reduced pain improves your mood. Improved mood reduces anxiety, which improves focus and planning. Focus and planning help with decision making. Decision making further reduces anxiety and improves enjoyment. Enjoyment gives you more to be grateful for, which keeps that look of the upward spiral going. Enjoyment also makes it more likely you'll exercise and be social, which in turn will make you happier... 

Circuits in your brain are an interconnected... with a couple of tiny changes you can reverse the trend... Don't feel like hanging out with people? Go for a run. Don't feel like doing work? Go outside. Can't sleep? Think of what you are grateful for. Worrying too much? Stretch. The Upward Spiral, Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time

 

Experiencing yoga with Prashant Iyengar

This was my second class with Prashant Iyengar; held over a four day period, three hours at a time, back in June. He was teaching from RUMYI  in Pune to 400 students internationally. I'm just catching up on my notes now, although it has definitely influenced my morning practice this past month!

Again and again he made the point that some things cannot be taught but must be experienced first hand to be learned.  Yoga is a heuristic subject that enables someone to discover or learn something for themselves.

"It is a mockery to be teaching this subject in a four day class but I will give you something to work with."

The first day we were asked to hold out our arms for an extended period and observe how different cells are activated the longer we held the pose. We were also asked to 'do' janu sirsana in both 'martial culture' and 'supplicant manner' and observe how body/mind/breath work together to create different states of being. 

The second day we returned again and again to trikonasana as the anchor pose, to see how our experiences of the pose changed depending on the pose that preceded. "Trikonasana should work on you, not the other way around... you are the benefactor." 

Think carefully about the intention of your practise on the day. Is it to relax, to energize, to cool? Think about breathing with that intention; use three exhales to ignite the asana. 

Breath is not ours, it is ageless... body and mind grow old. I like this idea. Breath is an element we have available to us but we do not inhabit it like we do our body or mind.

The third day we considered how to commence, depending on external conditions: the weather, our age, our physical condition. Using exhalation to deepen experience. Considering our body/breath/mind as we activate; are activating; are activated. Being aware on these levels does change the experience. 

The way you commence practice can expel torpor or negative states. Consider sirsana, viparita dandasana, supta bodakonasana & select which is most suitable. Light on Yoga can help with regard to selecting poses suited to certain conditions, but remember that even supta virasana can be done in different ways, it does not always need to be done in a restorative manner. 

Day four, we considered chitta. Asanas condition different parts of the body, but observe how they also benefit the mind or psychology. While asana have temporary effects on the body; breath conditions the mind; pranayama works for transformation. Explore these effects. Don't drive out positive conditions when expelling the negative! Don't overdo or you may undo. Spend as much attention on how you are coming into and out of the pose as you do on alignment while in the pose.

----

experiment 

- in forward bends, try breathing from the back

- in pranayama, try: breathing below the lungs

- lying supine, take a brick wrapped in towel or foam brick, and place it under sacrum; then under lumbar; then under dorsal... observe the different effects on breath 

- lying in prone position with bolster horizontal under chest / under pelvis...don't obstruct nose (especially good after backbending)

- try using the different sounds of gods' names during pranayama....Rama on inhale / Krishna exhale (other gods names can also be substituted (Gavinda, Hare), point is that the different names have different effects; try without saying a name and making just a sound... different effects) 

"300 years ago people didn't believe in bacteria but that did not mean they didn't exist"

Ashaya yoga

Years ago I spent a weekend with Todd Norian at the Yoga Conference - back then he was teaching Anasura. Norian has now branched off on his own to develop Ashaya yoga, which ties together the study of yoga, chakras, and the five elements.

Having studied under the Iyengar method I am more used to thinking of the bandhas; and with yin yoga, the idea of chi and meridians.

Five sessions were offered online for free, and I signed up, curious to learn how chakras could be applied to a yoga practice.

I found the classes to be an intoxicating blend of chanting, asana, meditation and pranayama; blended with sound and flow and philosophy.

Five sessions curated for each of the five chakras. 

• 
  Muladhara, base of spine, earth 
• Svadhisthana, sacral region, water
• Manipura, navel, fire
• Anahata, heart, air
• Vishuddha, throat, sky
• Ajna, brow (third eye), light 'om'
• Sahasrara, crown, consciousness

Some of what Todd was saying sounded like poetry.

"We come from the stars and heavens...We are spiritual beings having a human experience."

"Breath is the medium between our humanity and divinity." 

The middle chakra, located in the heart region, lies between the two triangles of humanity and divinity."

I really appreciated the thought that had gone into sequencing. 

I wasn't particularly smitten with the asana portion and found some of the postural alignment could be outright dangerous to people without an existing yoga practice. Still, the poses were chosen to suit the chakra and bring focus and awareness to the energy within. 

Overall happy with my experience and impressed with the level of thought and design in each session.

Todd has written a memoir in which he describes his spiritual journey, including betrayals by two gurus (John Friend of Anasura and Amrit Desai of Kripalu); as well as a spiritual break that landed him in a psych ward.  Ashaya yoga is a blend of teachings he has learned and applied along the way.

Falling Awake

More than a year of working at home means not rushing out of bed in the morning. What luxury! I open my eyes in the early light and often stay long enough to watch the blue hour turn to day.

I Wake to Sleep has long been a favourite poem because it captures that in-between world so well.

In listening to Jon Kabat Zin today, he was encouraging the practice of a slow and conscious awakening to carry us into the day. No longer a guilty pleasure to linger....

Searching for a graphic on the blue hour, I see one of my favourite sites, Brain Pickings, has posted The Blue Hour,  a book with truly glorious illustrations on this illusive colour.

And then the site offered me this poem, perfectly random. A day of serendipity.

ANTIDOTES TO FEAR OF DEATH
by Rebecca Elson

Sometimes as an antidote
To fear of death,
I eat the stars.

Those nights, lying on my back,
I suck them from the quenching dark
Til they are all, all inside me,
Pepper hot and sharp.

Sometimes, instead, I stir myself
Into a universe still young,
Still warm as blood:

No outer space, just space,
The light of all the not yet stars
Drifting like a bright mist,
And all of us, and everything
Already there
But unconstrained by form.

And sometime it’s enough
To lie down here on earth
Beside our long ancestral bones:

To walk across the cobble fields
Of our discarded skulls,
Each like a treasure, like a chrysalis,
Thinking: whatever left these husks
Flew off on bright wings.

Right Hand

Out for a walk on an icy day, I slipped and fell as I was making my way down the path into the ravine. 

The phrase, "my right hand man," suddenly became very real to me. I found my grip soft and it was difficult to do so many things I usually take for granted... like getting dressed in the morning, opening doors, making ablutions. Sometimes I could sub in with my left but not having a right hand was such a compromise. This may have been the first time I  thought , "what if this doesn't get better?" 

The swelling wasn't too bad so I figured in a day or two things would be back to normal. In the meantime, I tried to use my right hand consciously as I did my morning yoga. I didn't stay off it, but eased into poses that put weight on it and then observed the aches and pains. 

I did expect it to hurt for awhile, but after three weeks it was still hard for me to do certain tasks and poses like dog pose were getting harder on my hand instead of easier.

Finally got around to calling the doctor and arranging for an xray and ultrasound. The xray technician let me look over her shoulder when she was viewing the images on screen. There was my right hand, those were my actual bones... and that, well that was a hairline break. Weirdly disembodied experience. Next I saw the imaging tech, who insisted on focusing on the wrist. I had to ask her three times and then finally insist that she steer the paddle to where the fracture had been in the xray. She kept insisting the doctor's req was for the wrist only. I left the ultrasound session realizing that sometimes you really have to advocate for results in the health care system.

Aging! 

Hopefully I will have good health and mobility for a few more decades. The thought of not being able to garden, play the uke, get dressed in the morning... it has made me very appreciative of these day to day privileges. True blessings!

Turn Your World Around

Today I participated in the last online meditation for the six week online retreat Turn Your World Around, with Pema Chodron. In a true retreat you can remove yourself from your regular routine and daily cares to focus on more spiritual matters, but I was taking in the lectures while working at home and going about my regular business, albeit under pandemic restrictions. I had ample opportunity to apply what I was learning every day.

Group meditations were scheduled for two half hour sessions each week. These were not guided meditations so much as a chance to drop into an online space where everyone was sitting to observe their breath. Otherwise, daily meditation was encouraged.

Although the online meditation sessions are over, I'm still progressing with the lectures and reading. The resources, including Pema's lectures, remain online, so I can go at my own pace and return to materials.

I enjoy her teachings because she is so accessible. One of the student monks in a dharma talk said she puts things into kitch-y terms but I don't agree that making a complex topic more simple to understand is necessarily kitch. 

For example, when she talks about observing klesha, she says, "it is not about getting rid of them but getting to know them." Very approachable.

Similarly, there are the 3 Rs:

• Refraining (taking a mindful gap)
• Reframing (so much depends on how you look at things)
• Relaxing (becoming "One With")

Of course, this seemingly simple approach is really not so simple at all. I find the lectures extremely helpful in shifting perspective.

Recommended readings for the course will keep me busy for quite awhile. Rather than a book a week I prefer to digest a chapter or two, with time to absorb the lessons. Now on my reading list for the year:

• Emotional Awareness, by the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman
• Sacred Path of the Warrior, by Chögyam Trungpa
• The Myth of Freedom (Section IV) by Chogyam Trungpa
• Cutting Through Spiritual Materialsim, by Chogyam Trungpa
• Emotional Rescue, by Dzogehen Ponlop
• Taking the Leap, by Pema Chodron
• Welcoming the Unwelcome, by Pema Chodron

Of course it will take me at least a lifetime or two to get close to a deep understanding, so for the present I am just trying to take it all one breath at a time.

Puzzling

One way to slow time is to change things up from the routine and do something different, to help keep the days from blurring one into the other. A bit of a challenge when you are stuck at home in a lockdown.

Alex gave me a beautiful wooden puzzle for Christmas this year, the perfect antidote. 

I hadn't done a puzzle in decades, but if jigsaws were part of my regular routine this one would still have been a delight. A work of art. Wooden. Colourful. Each piece a unique shape of animals or flowers or butterflies. And when the puzzle was finally done, an equally beautiful design etched on the back.

As engaging as it was, it also frustrating. I quickly discovered things that wouldn't work, like  telling myself I should give up and that there was a good reason I hadn't done a puzzle in so long; assembling random portions; staring at the one piece only, or just at the big picture only; working in bad light; puzzling past tired.

Funny how these pastimes can hold bigger life lessons.

Alex gave me the fox puzzle first, and Rob and I had so much fun with it we asked to try the Mysterious Lion... a bit more difficult as it had more pieces but also symmetrical colours and patterns. Some of the shapes seemed diabolically designed to almost fit.

When things were especially slow going Rob and I took to ringing a little dinner bell when we found a fit.... which the cat found somewhat puzzling.

Lots of fun on a winter's day.

Winter Solstice 2020

Like so many events and festivities, this year I celebrated the Solstice virtually with friends. Instead of circling around a fire, we sat around our glowing screens.

Joining me to mark the shortest day were Irene, Wendy, Laura, Nicki, Grace, and Chris.

We enjoyed our food and then toasted the season, lifting our spirits. There was ouzo, Roku gin, Matcha gin fizz, sherry, Irish cream liqueur...

And poetry!! Illuminating, sad, brooding, humorous. 

I came across the poem the Shortest Day by Susan Cooper and was delighted by the illustrations of Carson Ellis for the children's book of the same name. It so magically catches the essence of darkening days and the importance of carolling and feasting and giving thanks. This year, so important.

All the illustrations in this post are from that book. Laura shared the illustrator Carson Ellis is married to Colin Meloy, the lead singer of one of her favourite bands, The Decemberists. Enjoying their songs as I put together this post.

Poems follow.........

The Shortest Day by Susan Cooper

And so the Shortest Day came and the year died
And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.
They lighted candles in the winter trees;
They hung their homes with evergreen;
They burned beseeching fires all night long
To keep the year alive.
And when the new year’s sunshine blazed awake
They shouted, reveling.
Through all the frosty ages you can hear them
Echoing behind us—listen!
All the long echoes, sing the same delight,
This Shortest Day,
As promise wakens in the sleeping land:
They carol, feast, give thanks,
And dearly love their friends,
And hope for peace.
And now so do we, here, now,
This year and every year.
Welcome, Yule!

_____________

from Laura....

To Know the Dark, by Wendell Berry

To go in the dark with a light is to know the light
To know the dark, go dark
Go without sight, and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,
And is travelled by dark feet and dark wings

____________

from Nicki

Good Bones, by Maggie Smith

Life is short, though I keep this from my children.
Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine
in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,
a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways
I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least
fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative
estimate, though I keep this from my children.
For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.
For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,
sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world
is at least half terrible, and for every kind
stranger, there is one who would break you,
though I keep this from my children. I am trying
to sell them the world. Any decent realtor,
walking you through a real shithole, chirps on
about good bones: This place could be beautiful,
right? You could make this place beautiful.

... more on the poem and its 

origin

___________

from Irene...

Vapour Trails by Richard Searsbrook 

1

Follow the scent

of cherry-blossom-incense

over terraced fields

with ankles caked in muck

eat rice, drink pungent tea

from cupped hands, outstretched arms

follow a trail of bone-white dust

where the blossoms scent grows stronger

than memory

than imagination

through the arched gateway

believe that you hear

every voice of China

singing through the silent haze

inhale the sweet summoning mist

inhale and hold

within arms' reach

a girl in golden robes

you know that you love her

even before she turns around

with an incense-burning lantern

held in her small hands

_____________

from Wendy.....

Lovely Hand, by Anonymous

Last night I held a lovely hand,
It was so small and neat,
I thought my heart with joy would burst
So wild was every beat.

No other hand unto my heart
Could greater pleasure bring
Than the one so dear I held last night.
Four Aces and a King

________________

from Grace

Ode to a Cat, by Pablo Neruda

El gato, sólo el gato apareció completo y orgulloso: nació completamente terminado, camina solo y sabe lo que quiere.
no hai unidad como él, no tienen la luna ni la flor tal contextura: es una sola cosa como el sol o el topacio ,
y la elástica línea en su contorno firme y sutil es como la línea de la proa de una nave.
Sus ojos amarillos dejaron una sola ranura para echar las monedas de la noche.

The cat, only the cat turned out finished, and proud:
Born in a state of total completion, it sticks to itself and knows exactly what it wants.
Nothing hangs together quite like a cat: neither flowers nor the moon have such consistency.
It's a thing by itself, like the sun or a topaz, and the elastic curve of its back, which is both subtle and confident, is like the curve of a sailing ship's prow.
The cat's yellow eyes are the only slot for depositing the coins of night.

... Pablo Neruda : Ode To The Cat

_______________________

from Chris, some lines from 

Tam O'Shanter by Robert Burns

But pleasures are like poppies spread:
You seize the flower, its bloom is shed;
Or like the snow fall on the river,
A moment white - then melts forever,
Or like the Aurora Borealis rays,
That move before you can point to their place;
Or like the rainbow’s lovely form,
Vanishing amid the storm.
No man can tether time or tide,
The hour approaches Tom must ride:
That hour, of night’s black arch - the key-stone,
That dreary hour he mounts his beast in
And such a night he takes to the road in
As never a poor sinner had been out in.

...the complete version 

NO! If, ands or buts

Definitely I am fortunate, having secure employment during these times that provides not only income but a sense of purpose. Connections to friends and family. I do count my blessings and express gratitude daily. Still, Covid has been tough. No ifs ands or buts about it.

I haven't heard that expression for awhile. I know NO is meant to say ifs ands and buts aren't allowed, but it is often healthy to shift our thinking and look at situations in different ways. I've even heard musings that we'll all look back on these times and grow nostaligic.

Right now though. Ugh. NO!!! Lockdown again. 

Toronto moved into another lockdown November 23 of at least 28 days, taking us to to at least December 21. 

Really????!!! 8.5 months of social isolation and now back into the grey zone that limits personal contact to the immediate household and public gatherings to just 10. Only essential businesses remain open. The restrictions are devastating to many. 

I allowed myself to wallow for more than a few days as I don't want to pretend everything is fine and Covid is just a minor inconvenience. Denial can actually be a great coping strategy sometimes but right now I am choosing to discipline myself to start looking again for silver linings. 

SHIFT 

AND Yes, so much of the situation sucks BUT it's not all bad AND some  changes have resulted that would be good to keep in my life ahead.

Build that resiliency. Nurture post traumatic growth.

These last 8.5 months have been trying in many ways and I can't wait for many aspects to come to an end. BUT the situation has also shifted priorities AND  there are things I've embraced that I want to continue doing when this whole mess is over.

A deeper appreciation for family and friends. Not just when we are together, but wondering what they are up to and wishing them well.

Virtual connections don't replace in-person human interaction, but they are better than none. Now I enjoy weekly family Zoom calls with my siblings, yoga sessions with teachers all over the world, and online music collaborations. Masterclasses and free online classes from Harvard. Virtual uke jams. Working from home.

No commute! I haven't had to use an alarm clock in more than 8 months; I just wake wake up naturally. The time saved amounts to 2-3 hours every work day, not spent sniffing armpits on the subway or waiting for buses. Not having to endure this daily torture may be the best outcome of the pandemic for me. How did I put up with it for so many years?

Slow food. No need to focus on meals that come together in 30 minutes or less. Stews, roasted vegetables, sour dough... no need to rush. A slower pace in general.

Day trips Since taking the boat out of the water, we've taken day trips to Hamilton's Albion Falls, Collective Arts Brewery, and Fergus' covered bridge... there's still lots more to explore within an easy drive. Social distancing but not totally locked down.

Home improvements I'm not sure we would have taken on so many home improvement projects these months if we hadn't been homebound. I am appreciating all the comforts of home and views of my back garden. Of course, it isn't lost on me that we are trying to control what we can inside our home environment to make up for all that we can't control that's going on outside. The improvements we've made will be enjoyed for years to come.

Local walks have helped me appreciate my neighbourhood more, with it's easy access to trails and paths into Taylor Creek park. Lots of homes en route have cute Little Libraries on front lawns, so I have found  a way to deal with the overflow on my bookshelves. So many tidy front lawns and a few inspiring pollinator gardens. Neighbours and kindred spirits out and about and walking along the sidewalks and pathways. People nodding and smiling to each other, after all, we're in this together.

...............