Marlene!

August 23, just a short email from YCT arrived to trigger concern and a bit of panic: "Due to medical conditions at this time, per Doctors' orders, Marlene’s active role with YCT is terminated for the foreseeable future. Marlene has suffered an episode. She is in hospital, under observation. She will be out of commission for some time. Recovery will be long." 

It was a disturbing message in part because of the choice of words "terminated" and "episode," legal sounding terms with so much left unsaid. I had just been in her online class August 19, having signed up in July/August for twice weekly sessions. 

I was concerned for my teacher, and also selfishly, wanted our time together to continue. I needed her! For her teachings and for her inspiration.

Marlene has been my primary teacher, and the teacher of my teachers, for more than a decade, and a champion who helped to bring the teachings of BKS Iyengar to Canada. Her commitment to Iyengar Yoga is evident in all the hours she puts into guiding her students and student teachers.

Without Marlene there will be a void.

Over the last month I've been in many yoga classes led by other teachers.  Jocylyn from YCT opened hers with prayers to send Marlene and our loved ones healing and positive energy. Attending online classes with Niren at Yogananta and Stephanie and Jane at Studio Po, I could hear Marlene's voice echo in their instructions and attention.

My teacher has not deserted me, but left a legacy of many different and wonderful teachers in the city.

Thankfully more positive letters from Marlene started to arrive to let us know she was on the mend. Then another, two short weeks later, to let us know she'd been sent home from the hospital much earlier than expected and that her therapists were starting to believe in Iyengar yoga.

People do scoff at prayer and positive energy as being powerful healers, but there is evidence to support it is more than possible. Miracles happen every day.

postscript September 1 - A letter from Marlene

Dear friends, colleagues and students

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and prayers. This has meant SO much to me. On the morning of Thursday August 20, I experienced a small bleed in the brain, which left my entire right side paralyzed. Fortunately, it did not affect my thought process, my eyes, hearing, etc.

According to my doctors I am making a very good recovery, but it is going to be a long recovery. They are anticipating that I will spend one month in hospital, as thy wish to send me home in the best possible condition.

I am working with wonderful therapists who have brought me a long way in a short time.

My intention is to be diligent and to make as complete a recovery as possible.

Please continue to keep me in your thoughts. Your kind words are an inspiration to me everyday.

Please keep in touch with me. I cannot respond to your letters at this time but every one of them means SO much to me.

Love, Marlene

postscript September 15 - a letter from Marlene

Dear colleagues, friends, and students

I am happy to tell you that I left the hospital on Friday, well ahead of my anticipated time there.

I am making a very steady recovery. The se of my right arm, hand and leg are coming along really well. The therapists are starting to believe in Iyengar Yoga. They, and I, anticipate a full recovery over a not too long period of time.

The lesion in my brain has healed and fortunately, at no time was there any cognitive impairment.

Your emails, cards, stories, thoughts and prayers have been the most incredible help and support to me during this difficult time.

I hope to continue to hear from you and I will reach out to each and every one of you as soon as my right hand is up to managing the computer.

My heart cannot thank you enough for all that you have done for me. I hope to see you all very soon.

Sincerely, 

Marlene

Garden Spirits

In addition to my laughing Buddha and contemplative Ganesh, I've planted lots of little oddities to happen upon in the garden. 

Welcoming frogs, bunnies shrinking in violets, crows perched on benches and gnomes guarding corners. Smiles and curiosities. 

Every once in awhile they will catch my eye again. I didn't realize how many there were until I went about taking some photos.  Hopefully they are understated and I haven't unwittingly turned my backyard into a junkyard!  Small embellishments here and there and here again. 

 

Harvest Bounty

Fresh! The seasonal bounty of fresh herbs, tomato, zucchini, garlic, peaches, concord grapes, corn and cod and clams. Chit chat of books, summer adventures, present times and future plans. And food, of course!

The Epi feast started outside in Kaarina's Bamba Shack, as we sipped on gin cocktails embellished with fresh basil. The chill of the late September afternoon brought us all indoors before the first course, which was a delicious Cordoban cold tomato and bread soup. Although lovely Laura wasn't able to join us, Kaarina used some of the garlic from Laura's Wolfe Island garden, so she was there in spirit. 

Then on to colourful and flavourful raw veg. This time I was in charge of the salad course and consulted Ottolenghi's Simple for the recipes: tomatoes with sumac shallots and zucchini with thyme and walnut. I was able to use fists full of fresh basil and thyme from plants out my back door when I prepped earlier in the day at home. Making these salads was a very visual and tactile experience for me: peeling long curls from the zucchini; massaging fragrant oil into the white flesh; gently lifting the multi-coloured tomatoes to hide bits of fresh green basil. 

Just after the salad course I watched Caroline prepare fresh clams as I'd never had them before. Not as intimidating to cook as I thought, and a real show with all the sizzle and steam. But then, Caro does make it seem easy. A generous amount of shallots in the bottom of a hot pan, fresh white wine added to evaporate for one minute, then add the clams and steam for another 5 minutes. Delicious brine drizzled on top and served alongside fresh corn and cod browned on the skillet.

Kaarina disappeared into the kitchen with fresh peaches and berries to whip up sabayon, and while she was working her magic Mike and Rob joined us at the table, just in time to enjoy dessert.

After, a selection of cheeses, concord grapes and crackers, a splash of Scotch.

Feasting on each other's company.

Menu

Salmorejo, a cold Spanish tomato and bread soup from Cordoba, paired with sherry (Kaarina)

Two salads: Zucchini and Walnut + Tomato and Sumac Shallots with pine nuts, paired with Seedlip Garden shots (Diane)

Corn, Cod and Clams paired with Bordeaux Chardonnay (Caroline)

Sabayon of peach and raspberry (Kaarina)

Selection of cheeses, concord grapes, biscuits (Diane)

Happy birthday!

I love this time of year. Late summers have always echoed as new beginnings, with best wishes on my birthday for the year ahead.

This year was a quiet celebration. The morning started with a nice long soak in the bath, coffee in the garden, and a restorative yoga session. 

Rob made Eggs Benedict and then we took a short drive to the Beach to watch the waves breaking on shore, followed by a meander in the Rosetta garden. 

Rob prepared a special meal of oysters on the half shell, scallops, asparagus wrapped prosciutto and potato fingerlings. Alex and Penny brought little delectable cakes.

Alex stirred memories with questions of my favourite birthdays.... 40th at the Pinery; 50th at BPYC; this one! Birthday Present.

I remember telling my grandmother in my early twenties I didn't think I would live a long life; I couldn't see myself in the future. She would have been in her late sixties, I think, and confessed she had never seen herself growing as old as she was at that moment. Happily she would go on living at least another decade. And here I am now, in the youth of old age.

This past year brought its work challenges and Covid stress but also a reinforcement of the fortune of family and friends. 

The bliss of unexpected pleasures and connections. 

The comforts of home.

Rob's gift to me this year is a Barbados Cherry bonsai. Such a beauty! It can live outside until winter but I am enjoying it inside for now and hoping for cherries. Alex and Penny chose 4 different saki for a tasting in the near future.

My birthday wishes for the year ahead are for continued health and happiness; planning my days to spend more time with the people I love doing the things I enjoy. Lofty ambition.

Weighing retirement options

I'm obsessed. With dates and retirement math. 

The potential dates for my retirement are approaching landmarks, and I dither about timing my exit for the best pension outcome. I vacillate between Factor 80 or Factor 90, which would be reached just 11 months later. I reason I can tough it out for an extra year for a bigger pension, and then desperately hope I can stand working even a few more months without quitting prematurely or being unexpectedly laid off before I hit the qualifying dates.

My latest puzzling is adding the government Transition Exit Initiative or Voluntary Exit offer program into the mix, and then calendarizing the work-back dates for Factor 80 or Factor 90. (Date X - 6 months - 19 weeks - accrued holidays would make for the last day in office Date Y). Wondering... will the government keep the incentive programs or axe them? Will my manager approve if I apply? With TEI or VEO taken into account, even Factor 90 might be a possibility before the end of 2021! But do I want to retire when there continue to be all these Covid restrictions on travel and activities?

Then come the dates on when to take Old Age Security or Canada Pension or start cashing out RSPs or TFSAs. Wondering..... How much should I let the OAS clawback dictate when to start CPP? If I live cheaply abroad for a few months each year will that save money overall?

I play out different scenarios financially but it is all quite confusing. Retire on Factor 80 but start taking CPP? Stick it out a few more months for Factor 90 for extra pension dollars, but start CPP while still working to stash into RSPs for later? Of course I want to maximize for the best financial return, but the additional dollars, while nice, really aren't going to push me into another tax bracket.

Previously I've asked to run the numbers with my financial planner re Factor 80 or Factor 90, and her take was simply, if you're not loving your job a couple extra thousand isn't going to make much difference. Whereas I think, hey, that is renting a cottage for a week or two, or taking a trip to Chicago. So while I may not be loving my job most days I don't really hate it either. Being able to work from home has also made most days infinitely more tolerable.

I think my obsessing with these numbers is a way to try to make retirement more tangible and predictable.

There are big unknowns. Some things are in my control, and others not. Dates of death, levels of wellness and health are huge factors for life in retirement years, regardless of pension schemes. 

You can make all the plans you want but there are no guarantees.