Backyard birds

We have had hours of pleasure since we placed the small bird feeder on the back deck. I picked it up at Get the Jump on Spring, and we gave it a home at the beginning of March.

Our other feeder is about twenty five feet from the back kitchen window, while this one is just ten feet away from our dining room chairs. As long as there are seeds and the cat is indoors, there is a constant flow of visitors.

It is maddening to see the squirrels and their pole dancing. Greedy creatures gobbling up the seeds intended for cardinals, nuthatches, chickadees and sparrows.

Most of our backyard birds are familiar, but some send us on a search, like the wood pecker (downy or hairy?), or the white-breasted nuthatch that arrived with a showy flutter of wings.

The cat watches with interest from behind the glass, and fortunately hasn't been stealthy enough outdoors to catch any birds.

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. - Anatole France

I do like my to-do lists and have noticed the very act of writing goals and tasks down does make a real difference. 

I also like coming across the little slips of paper and notebooks that are haphazardly filed… recently I came across some notes taken by my twenty year old self for career and life planning. There were just a few pages used up in that little book, so I’m using the rest to start a Bullet Journal.

When I came across BuJo it was immediately appealing, so I’m going to  try it out over the next couple of months. It is a useful daily tracking tool, a good forecast, and record for reflection.

As I set up my Bullet Journal and noted upcoming events for monthly forecasts, I realized how much my calendar is already filled with things I'm looking forward to... plays, book club meetings, gallery openings, concerts, Epitourist feasts, yacht club events, daily yoga practise and workshops and camps. Add a full time career. 

I am indeed fortunate and blessed, and every night before going to sleep I recount with gratitude the highpoints of my day. The ability to savour simple pleasures; pursue hobbies and passions; enjoy my home; and most of all share time with my husband, son, family and friends. It is good fortune, but it is also commitment and discipline and planning.

I am now in a period of transition. My career with the government is in the home stretch with three or so more years to go before I qualify for a full pension. Anything is possible – even staying on longer, if I so choose. What do I love doing, what do I want to keep doing, what is it that will get me out of bed in the morning?

There is a whole Bullet Journal community online, adapting the tool for their own use and challenges. When Alex and Penny came over on Sunday night I was excited to share the book with them, thinking they might also find it useful.

It turns out Alex was already using a system for this year: Nirvana planning. He envisions moments where he is enjoying a peak experience, whether at work, at home, with friends, or at leisure. Imagining in great detail what he is doing, who is there, what he is feeling, why it is making him happy. Then he breaks it down into two or three preceding events or tasks that are needed as steps along the way to make it a reality. Is there a theme that emerges between the moments? He talked about another exercise that involves thinking back over the previous year and coming up with at least three good stories to tell at a party. And he also talked about creating a little time capsule for the year to acknowledge successes and good memories.

Alex described his moments and stories with such strong detail. I was so proud of his accomplishments and plans, as well as how mindful he was to balance career with other personal aspirations. What a great kid! I mean, young man.

He also inspired me to try a bit of Nirvana planning of my own for the year ahead. 

Full Worm Moon - March 2019

The vernal equinox.

Spring is knocking, worms waking up for their work in the garden.

What a long winter!

These past weeks I've been making space by clearing things away. Coming across bits and scraps of scribbled paper. They rise to the tops of piles and I recognize them, moments forgotten, returned. Didn't I hoard them away for the future, my present self? Here I am!

Scraps from when I was 21 and future planning, full of hope and longing. I would have 1-2 children, work in film, teach for awhile, become a journalist, then retire to run a bookstore at 50. Things didn't quite turn out that way, but I think my 21-year-old self would be quite pleased in many ways.

Amazed even, at some unimagined adventures.



Also re-found a wonderful poem, already recorded in the blog but worth repeating.

Escondido Night

The moon is the shape

Of this hidden cove

Fishing boats are constellations

We floated through a heaven

That glittered phospherescent

like plankton in tinfoil

And paused between a pair:

Aurorita and Viridiana, to thrash

about like comets just

let out of school.

And continued on a light year

Later moondust in my mouth

And all over your body

Cavatinas for Long Nights, Jim Christy

The full worm moon will occur on March 20th, 2019 at 9:43 PM ET

Ramble

One ounce of testun barolo - I just wanted a little taste, and that is what I got. Just a nibble now and I'm still savouring the aftertaste. Nebbiola casing on the outside so crunchy and exploding grapiness, the cheese inside creamy and slightly tart.

I stopped by Alex Farm cheese on the walk home and asked for 2 ounces, the monger said he couldn't, it would have to be 4 ounces minimum. I agreed, but somehow the compromise set me back a full ounce. I guess it is hard to gage the weight as behind the counter they are so used to slicing proportions. The Ossau Iraty and creamy Charlevoix are still coming down to room temperature, so more for later... with tiny little black cured olives.

Friday night.

Rob is busy Fridays now, so I thought I might just head to the Gardiner Museum or AGO after work. At the corner of Yonge and Dundas, instead of walking to the gallery I headed underground. Dithering still... south to Museum? Instead, I went north to Bloor, and when the doors opened it was to an announcement that there was no subway service between St. George and Broadview due to a police investigation. Shuttle buses were on their way.

Good thing I didn't wait for the shuttle bus. I walked a good forty minutes without seeing a single one. People were passing me as I walked my moderate pace. Along the way, I realized how many memories there were along this strip of road. 121 Bloor Street East, I loved that job and location. The bar where I would go for  a few beer after work on the corner of Church. The apartment building where I went to a party in St. James Town. The Necropolis.

By the time I got to the Broadview bridge it was closed entirely to civilian vehicles. Two big firetrucks, five or six police cars, paramedics, yellow caution tape.

What was going on? An officer at the crossing said a jumper. I wondered aloud why a jumper would close down the subway for so many stops; usually the clean up crew is fast and efficient.

A stranger passing said he knew someone whose job it was to clean up the mess when people jumped in front of trains. Human remains could be left all along the tracks at different stations. The guy he knew, his wife found out he was having an affair, so she jumped in front of a train herself, just so her husband would get the call and have to find her that way. She lived. To this day her husband is taking care of her.

It was very eerie along the bridge. People looking over the side onto the highway below, others walking briskly on their way home. More police cars. Officers looking through a fence at the side of the bridge. Had someone crawled through and somehow jumped to the traffic below? The bridge is so well cordoned off now, there is no way to make it through the barriers, and there were no signs of damage to the stays.

I tried to get more information from an officer about what was going on but all he said was, he couldn't say.

A very grey day, but the rain was holding off. The thing about suicide, as I learned from an early age, it is always an option. More than a few people I love have chosen that way. I can only speculate their reasons. I'll never really know the whole story and can only see facets, fragments.

When I got to Broadview I stopped in at a flower shop and took a deep breath. They had a huge crimson heart on the wall, built of flowers and butterflies. Such ephemeral creatures.

Another block to the cheese shop. Why not? It is sometimes the small pleasures that make life worth living.

Twice in 24 hours I came across 'life is a verb'... once as a title of a book and another in a social media post of quotable quotes:

“Oscar Wilde said that if you know what you want to be, then you inevitably become it - that is your punishment, but if you never know, then you can be anything. There is a truth to that. We are not nouns, we are verbs. I am not a thing - an actor, a writer - I am a person who does things - I write, I act - and I never know what I am going to do next. I think you can be imprisoned if you think of yourself as a noun.” Steven Fry

Well, here are my verbs for Friday night: I am eating cheese, listening to music, enjoying a cocktail.

Canada Blooms

The smell and the colours were so rejuvenating at Canada Blooms, I really can't wait for gardening season to begin.

I went for an early morning tour, before the hoards arrived, with Nicki.

Unfortunately our guide hadn't been given notes so wasn't particularly informed about the garden designs on display, although as a master gardener she was certainly able to answer any horticulture queries. Oh, so that wasn't forced hydrangea after all, it was kale that had just been left to flower.

The big exhibits aren't really ever my favourite, anyway, such large spaces and huge investments in hardscaping patios, decks and pools there is often hardly any garden left for green.

The displays on cliff gardening as well as fusion landscapes had elements I'd like to incorporate in my backyard. Also living walls and pictures have strong potential for fall and winter months - but where would I place them in tiny quarters? Could I fit in a  backyard sauna?

Lots of water features caught my eye, some almost Goldsworthy cairns, and I am sorely tempted but the sticker price is $5K+.

There were more practical displays with ideas for small spaces, like front stoops or urban backyards. Gorgeous birdhouses with stained glass windows, inspiration to plant for pollinators and to choose natives.

Handily enough I learned that Sheridan does have sheets of moss early in the season. I will have to call to see if they offer the Irish type and if not, may attempt using fertilizer for a growth spurt - it's really something I don't ever do, though, garden with chemicals.

For the ravine, at the top of the hill, I have my eye on service berry, to help attract the birds. The shrub will grow to 15 feet, which is just what I'm looking for... something not too big that will do ok in dappled shade, and attract birds throughout the year.

A fantastic demo on flower arranging! The way Kate from Kate's Garden brought together key concepts was very useful. Preparation
of materials definitely helps prolong the life of the floral design.  Key is getting flowers into water as soon as possible, using clean materials to do any cutting, and adding nutrients to water. Mindful proportion in design (1/3 + 2/3; 50/50; 2/3 + 1/3). As well as techniques like bunching, tying, and deconstructing. I picked up some accessories afterward, including underwater lights and floating clear flower bases for water design. Picked up some faux ranunculus, perfect for the vase, or for practising spiral tying, or using to embellish an individual table place setting.

I chose a new vase - one for single buds. Still, I want more! A large round clear glass one for a peony, a tall cylinder for deconstructed arrangements. I will have to choose carefully as one new thing in the house means one old thing out the door.

I dragged home a nice big green plant for the corner, a Lyrata. I wondered if a tropical would do well in my living room without direct sun and it turns out this one is an understory plant that likes indirect light. I love the glossy foliage. This plant is also known as a fiddle leaf ficus. It promises to grow. I promise to find it a pot.

Note to self

Last night I woke up from a weird little dream that seemed to dredge up many times in my work life where I took the wrong turn, made a mistake, or met a nemesis. 

Crap happened, is happening, and will always happen. It's probably necessary, as our own biology tells us the fact.

Life gets a lot harder when we think it should be easy.

I am choosing to balance each not-so-happy memory that surfaces with at least one that's happier.

A happy habit.

"If only" and "should" can be my triggers to conjure more positive thoughts. 

Why not make someone happy, even when that someone is me?